


What Kind Of Fool Am I?

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-22
Updated: 2001-09-22
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:44:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 8,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: A series of pranks that goes way too far.





	1. What Kind Of Fool Am I?

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

"What Kind Of Fool Am I?"   
Rating: PG-13, language & sexual situations. Ooooh.   
Category: There's shades of a whole lotta relationships in here, but the main theme is Sam/Donna or Josh/Donna.   
Spoilers: "Somebody's Going To Emergency, Somebody's Going To Jail," "17 People"   
Disclaimers: These characters are not mine. If they were we'd see a lot more meaningful relationships and a lot more, ahem, interesting stuff.) They're the property of Aaron Sorkin et al (NBC).   
Summary: A series of pranks that goes way too far.

Dedication: Written by Cara, but discussed with and inspired by Stefcia � you're wonderful. =)

"Donna!!"

Josh Lyman's roar could be heard throughout the West Wing. Assistants laughed behind their hands and coworkers had to smile as Josh stalked into the communications bullpen; soaking wet. "Donna!" he yelled again. "Goddammit, April Fools' Day isn't for three days!"

Sam Seaborn emerged from his office to use the copier. "Hey, Josh. Good look."

"Shut up, Sam." Josh looked around. "Where's my assistant?"

"Donna?" Sam walked over to the copier. "She's probably at the mess. It *is* lunch time, you know."

"Maybe." Josh tried, unsuccessfully, to brush some of the water off his suit. "But there will be reckoning when she gets back."

"What happened to you, anyway?" Sam grinned. "She push a bucket of water onto you?"

"Close." Josh squeezed out a sleeve. "The old bucket-on-top-of-the-door trick."

"Ah. You should have known better."

"I know." Josh stopped playing along. "What the hell, Sam? I mean, why would she do this?"

"Gee, Josh, I don't know. Maybe to pay you back for the fake spiders in her coffee the other day."

Josh shrugged, looking boyish. "That was just fun. This was mean."

"Whatever."

Josh went on. "Well, how would she know when I'd be gone? She was at the Library of Congress all morning, and the meeting on the hill was completely undefined; it wasn't on the schedule. Someone had... to... have tipped her... off." Seeing his best friend's grin grow bigger and bigger, Josh understood. "You traitor."

"I know."

"There *will* be retribution." Josh spoke grimly. "Rest assured, my friend."

"Okay, Josh." Abruptly, Sam changed the subject. "Hey, do you know if Ainsley has a date to the British Embassy party Friday night?"

"No, I don't know."

"Cause I'd like to ask her, but..." Sam put his head down and scuffed at the carpet with one heel. "She's mad at me over the GDC speech." 

"Well, it happens. Try it anyway, what've you got to lose?"

Josh would have said more, but suddenly he was seized by an idea. A very evil, nasty idea. And it would get both Sam and Donna good.

Hurriedly he said, "Well... on second thought, Sam, I don't know if I'd ask her this time around."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I know what she's like when she's in a good mood. What'll she be like if she's annoyed?"

"Well..." Sam thought for a moment. "Maybe you're right; I should let her cool down. She *was* pretty pissed."

"I think that'd work better for you." Josh clapped Sam on the back. "I got the meeting with Senator Samuels. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye."

Instead of making for the meeting, Josh quickly went back to his office. He checked the phone book and quickly dialed the unfamiliar number.

He got three wrong numbers before the correct person picked up. "Ainsley Hayes."

"Ainsley." Josh paused. "This is Josh Lyman."

"Oh." The surprise registered; in the eight months she'd worked there Josh had never called her office. "Can I help you, Josh?"

"Yeah." Josh lowered his voice. "Ainsley, I've got a strange request, but I think you can help. And in the bargain you'll be playing a good joke on Sam Seaborn."

Her voice held cautious interest. "What would this entail?"

Josh outlined his plan.

As he finished there was silence on the end of the line. Josh waited, figuring she was thinking it over.

Finally she spoke. "This would be a stretch."

"I know."

"But it would get Sam badly." He could see Ainsley smiling her cat-ate-the-canary smile on the other end of the line. "So, I've decided I'll do it."

"Really?" Josh's voice was jubilant. "Thanks, Ainsley."

"Just for that night, though."

"Of course."

"And I'll try and make it as painless as possible for you."

"Thank you."

They disconnected, leaving Josh alone and grinning in his office. 


	2. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 2

 

 

"What Kind Of Fool Am I?"

Part 2

\--------   
"Hey, Donna."

"Hi, Sam." Donnatella Moss couldn't resist a conspiratorial grin. "Is Josh really mad at me?"

"Oh, he'll get over it." Sam smiled back. "It was pretty funny when he came into the bullpen dripping wet."

"I'll bet." Donna's face softened. "I hope he doesn't get sick."

"Yeah." Sam joked. "Then you'd have to take care of him, in addition to his work."

Donna smiled. "Like I don't do that already." Her words were scornful but her tone held an underlying current.

Sam was the only one that was aware of how Donna felt about her boss. At least, he hoped he was the only one. "Donna, are you ever going to do anything about this?" he asked gently.

The woman shrugged. "What *can* I do?"

"Well, you could ask him to the British Embassy party," Sam said. "I know he doesn't have a date. At least, he didn't when I talked to him fifteen minutes ago."

"I don't know."

"Come on, Donna." Sam's voice was low and persuasive. "If you don't make a move it'll never happen. It's *Josh.* You really think he's going to make the first move."

"I guess you're right." Donna bit her lip, and looked up at her friend. "What if he says no, though?"

"Then I'll go with you." Sam smiled. "No strings attached. Just to keep your mind off this twit who doesn't deserve you."

Donna laughed. "Okay, Sam. When you put it that way... I'll give it a shot." Changing the subject, she asked, "How are things with you and Ainsley?"

"Oh, she's still mad." Sam sounded dejected. "I miss one thing in the speech and she holds a grudge for weeks. Leo and the President liked it, the GDC liked it. But she's still angry!"

"Sam." Donna's tone was amused. "For women, the devil's in the details. Really. Girls like when guys notice small things, like shoes or a new hairdo. It shows you're observant and you really care. You're not just viewing a woman as a walking sex toy."

"I guess so." Sam had to laugh at the imagery. As if anyone could ever imagine Ainsley Hayes as a walking sex toy.

Donna opened her mouth to speak again, but just as she started to talk Josh walked up to his assistant's desk. "Hey, Donna, a few things."

"Sure." Catching Sam's eye after she spoke, Donna hurriedly added, "And I have a question for you."

"Okay." Josh consulted his memory. "I need notes on 613A, 124CC and 131-5D."

"613A, 124CC and 131-5D. Got it." Donna copied down the file numbers. Then, hesitantly, she spoke. "Josh..."

"Oh, right. Your question. Sorry. What's up?"

*Now or never,* Sam's look said.

*He's right, of course,* Donna thought. *I just hope he says yes.*

"Josh, would you like to come to the British Embassy party with me?"

Looking into her eyes, Josh felt almost ashamed of what he was planning to do with Ainsley. "Donna, thanks a lot for asking me. But I do have a date."

Sam's countenance betrayed his surprise, and Donna put a best face on it. "That's okay, Josh. I just don't have a date, and thought we could go."

"Maybe the next one." Josh smiled at her and left the room.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Donna turned back to Sam. "Damn," she said bitterly.

"It's okay, Donna." Sam put a friendly hand on her shoulder, and was shocked at the tightness of her skin. "I said I'd go with you, and I will." *But,* he added silently, *who the hell is Josh going with?*

"Thanks, Sam. I appreciate it."

"No problem." Sam kneaded her shoulder, just once. "God, Donna, you could bounce quarters off your neck."

"I know." Donna rolled her neck from side to side. "Blame Josh."

"I do." Sam began to rub her shoulders lightly. "Here, this should help."

Donna's eyes closed. "Mmmm. That feels really good; where'd you learn to do that?"

Sam chuckled. "C.J., actually. She gave me a neck rub once, and she showed me how to do it."

"It's a godsend." Donna sighed with relief. "I'll have to thank her."

Sam smiled. "You're welcome, Donna."

"You know what I mean." Donna laughed. He was always like this around her; languorous and teasing. She knew they had a close relationship, but there was just... something there that no one else had. She felt set apart somehow. It was good.

And he trusted her with his life; that was for certain. After his father's news, he had taken to calling her every so often, just to talk. She had told him how she felt about Josh. They shared their secret news. Donna told Sam about "If you were in an accident, I wouldn't stop for a beer." Sam told Donna what really happened when he and Ainsley went to get coffee. Altogether it was a very satisfactory state of affairs. 

Donna looked at her watch. "Sam, I have to go make these copies or Josh will chew my head off when he gets back."

"Okay, I'll see you later."

"Thanks again for coming to the embassy party with me."

"It's not *much* of a sacrifice." Sam grinned.

She laughed. "Go away."

"Okay." The two of them walked away in their separate directions. 


	3. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 3

 

Disclaimers/etc: see part 1   
This is getting to the more angsty part. Nonetheless, enjoy! ~C 

\-------------   
The rest of the week passed quickly. For Josh, it was closer and closer to sweet retribution. He'd worked out all the details with Ainsley and was looking forward to Friday so he could make sure that Sam knew who was the Prank King.

The night of the party finally arrived. It was a clear night, slightly muggy. Sam knocked on the door of Donna's apartment a bit late. "Donna, it's Sam!" he called through the closed door.

"Be right with you!" Donna called. "I'm just finishing up."

"Well, we're already a little late."

"I know!" Donna evidently gave up and walked out of her room. "Sam, excuse the request, but could you zip this thing up? I can't reach."

Without batting an eye Sam reached and took up the zipper that was at the moment halfway down Donna's back. "Not a problem." Gallantly he slid it all the way to the top. "There. Now you're decent, and we can go."

Donna rolled her eyes. "Thanks." She noticed for the first time of what Sam was wearing. "You look really nice, by the way."

"I could say the same." Donna had on a simple green sheath that showed off her blonde hair.

"Thanks." Donna opened the door. "Shall we?"

"Let's." The two strolled out.

The soiree was already crowded by the time they walked in the door. Sam and Donna melted into the crowd. They saw a few familiar faces: Leo, Toby, Ginger and her date, C.J. looking bored. Upon seeing the latter, Donna said, "Let's go say hi."

"Sure." The two headed over until they were close enough, and Sam tapped the press secretary on the shoulder. "Hey, C.J."

"Hi, Sam. Hey, Donna." C.J. Cregg said. "How's it going? Who are you guys here with?"

"Oh, things are fine," Donna chirped. "And actually, we're here together. Just as friends," she was quick to add.

"Oh." C.J. nodded. "Did you just get here?"

"Yeah, just a minute ago." Sam responded. "Is everyone else here?"

"Everyone but the President."

"Well, yeah."

"Hey," Donna said, slightly changing the subject. "Have you seen Josh?"

"Um..." C.J. thought for a moment. "I think he's out on the veranda. I only saw him for a minute. Why?"

"Just wondering," Donna responded. "I just wanted to find out who he's with."

C.J. couldn't keep the smile off her face. "Why?"

"No reason," Donna said, praying she sounded nonchalant. "Just curiosity. He wouldn't tell me who his date is."

"Oh." C.J. left off teasing. "I think you'll find him on the veranda out there. And I didn't see his date either, except that she's blonde."

"Really." Sam smiled. "That could be a lot of women in the office." 

"True." C.J. started to walk away. "Well, when you find him, tell me who she is."

"Will do." Donna and Sam watched as the press secretary dissolved into the crowd.

Once she was gone, Sam turned to Donna. "Donna, do you want to actually talk to him, or do you just want to see who he's with?"

After just a moment's hesitation, Donna answered. "I just want to see who his date is. I don't want to think about him tonight."

"Okay. Then let me go see. I'll be right back."

"Fine."

Sam walked leisurely away from Donna in the direction that C.J. had pointed out. The night was still clear, but getting a bit cold. Walking through the French doors, Sam strode out onto the terrace, looking for his best friend's familiar form.

He walked to the left, slowly taking steps while admiring the moonlight. There were a few couples sitting on the stone railing, taking in the night air. Sam watched them and admired the way the light shone off one woman's blonde hair. Her companion was slightly taller and had an affectionate arm around her.

Then he heard it. "Ainsley, I'm glad you decided to come with me to this party."

And the sickening rejoinder. "Josh, I was wrong about you. You are a gentleman and a wonderful date."

Sam abruptly turned, feet skidding like a drunk on ice. He lurched back into the room, face pale and senses rebelling. He could not have heard what he had just heard!

And Donna was waiting for him; soft, gentle Donna. How the hell could he tell her this? 

She ran to him immediately. "Sam, is everything okay? You look like you've seen a ghost."

Trying to calm down, Sam looked at her. Every line in her face was full of worry. How could he do this to such a good friend? And how big a fool was Josh to not know how Donna felt?

Sam finally spoke. "Donna, I did find Josh. But his date is... well, not someone you'd expect."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"Donna..." Sam paused. "Josh is here with Ainsley Hayes."

She stared at him blankly for a moment. Then, from within her came a recognizeable sound. Laughing heartily, she put a hand on his shoulder. "Sam, you're joking. Right?"

He shook his head, just once.

Her brain took in the words. "Josh... is here... with Ainsley?"

"Yeah." Sam sighed, propelling his disbelief and anger and resentment out into the atmosphere. Josh knew damn well that *he* had been wanting to ask Ainsley out for the longest time.

Donna sighed. "Let me look for myself."

"Donna �"

Without another word she strode off. Sam waited anxiously, fearful of what might happen.

She wasn't gone long, but when she reappeared she was a shade of white that Sam had never seen before. "Let's go get a drink," she said tightly.

"Are you sure?"

"Sam �" Donna's tone was low and full of hurt. "He kissed her."

Sam closed his eyes against the twinge of pain. Jesus *Christ.* Without another word he took her arm and they headed for the door.


	4. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 4

 

Yay, 2 parts in one day... ~C 

\-------------   
"What I'm telling you is that a man needs to feel like a woman appreciates him." Donna gestured clumsily with her fourth Long Island iced tea. "Otherwise he's either a loser, or a complete sexual strikeout."

"You don't know that," Sam said. Under his breath he muttered, "It could just be Josh."

"True." Donna's face clouded over. She turned to him and said, "You're not like that."

"Well... thanks." Sam, for some reason, started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Donna, in spite of her query, started laughing too.

Sam pointed an inebriated finger at the both of them. "We are getting really drunk, Donna. It's time to go home."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Donna got up off the bar stool carefully. She misjudged her step, however, and almost came crashing down. Sam caught her as she started laughing again. "I am so buzzed!" she giggled.

"Me too!" Sam was steadier than she was, though. Something made him say it. "Let's go to my place."

Donna snorted, a most uncharacteristic sound. "What is this, a slumber party?"

"It's safer for you." Sam wagged a playful finger in her face. What was that stitch deep in his stomach? "Seriously, Donna. I don't want you home alone. Screw the press."

"I guess you're right." Donna walked carefully out of the bar beside him. "Besides... if I go home, stupid Josh might call me."

"Well, I'm not talking to him if he calls." Sam spoke grimly. "That was a bastard thing to do."

"Yeah." Suddenly, with a drunk's pain reflex, Donna started to cry. "God, God," she cried, "how could he do this to me? And you!"

Sam swallowed a lump in his throat; sternly he told himself it was the beer talking. "C'mon, Donna, let's get home."

She sniffed. " 'Kay. "

They half-walked, half-carried each other to the cab. Sam had to think a moment before telling the man his address.

As they drove on, Donna looked at Sam suddenly through tear-filled eyes. "You know, I would be a complete mess if it wasn't for you."

"I don't know about that." Sam had to will the cab to stop spinning.

"You are..." Donna lost her train of thought. "You're just a knight in shining armor," she finished proudly. "My knight in shining armor." Before Sam had a chance to react, she kissed him on the cheek.

Even though he could feel the red flush creeping up his face, he felt a strangely pleasant sensation. He shrugged. "I try, Donna." She looked so vulnerable. It was all he could do not to put his arms around her.

"You're so important to me, Sam." She rested her head on his shoulder. "You're kind and sweet and thoughtful and... not Josh... and ..." Though she wouldn't have said it, drunk or sober, she felt... *protected* when she was with him. He was buzzed, but he was still strong and silent, caring and shielding.

Sam rested his head on top of hers. "Donna, you keep me sane." She looked so beautiful and tragic. The crumpled tear tracks were still visible on her ceramic complexion, and her dress hugged all the right places.

The cab pulled up at Sam's apartment, and the two of them staggered inside and into the elevator. Donna yawned. "Tired all of a sudden."

"Me, too." Sam looked at her uneasily, wondering what would happen next. The thought of her in his apartment was vaguely troubling, but he couldn't turn her away now.

He unlocked the door, after a moment of fumbling for his key. "It's getting late," Sam said. "Let's get to bed." Belatedly his sluggish mind told him those words might be wrong, but he shrugged it off. It had been said. And the thoughts it brought up weren't all bad.

He gave himself a hard mental kick. Hastily, he added, "I'll take the couch and you can sleep in my bed."

Donna looked straight at him. Her slightly bloodshot eyes betrayed something more than tiredness. Heavily she said, "Can I... borrow something to sleep in?"

Another moment passed. "Uh... sure." Sam crossed into his bedroom, rummaged around and came out with a pair of boxers and a Princeton Law t-shirt. "Here, Donna. That should work."

Donna took the clothes hesitantly, feeling a slight flush creep up her own face. "Thanks." Why was he so distant all of a sudden? It felt like she was with a different person. But it didn't feel alien, somehow.

"I'll see you in the morning." Sam said quietly, turning to grab some clothes of his own.

"Okay." Donna's tone was soft.

Sam moved to go into the bedroom, but his legs took him elsewhere. Before conscious thought entered the picture, he crossed the room and kissed Donna softly; just a peck on the lips.

They looked at each other, frozen, each searching the other.

They both saw it.

Donna slipped her arms around Sam's neck. The kiss got deeper and deeper. Stumbling over to the couch, Donna got on top of him while they kept kissing. Her hand inched to his shirt. She played with the buttons as Sam kissed her lips, her neck, her chin. Slowly she undid the first button, eliciting a small moan from Sam. She was heading for the second when they heard it � something that sobered them up in a hurry.

"Sam?"

A familiar voice, yet one neither of them wanted to hear.

"Sam, it's Josh!" The voice's owner called. "Have you seen Donna? She's not at home and I wanted to talk to her!" 


	5. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 5

 

Disclaimers/etc: see pt 1   
My prayers to anyone affected by the world trade centre bombing. ~C

\-----------   
Sam breathed a fervent curse word that he hoped Josh hadn't heard. Donna had frozen and was aping a deer in headlights. "What do we do?" she asked in a panicked whisper. Josh was neither person's favorite human being at the moment, but neither did they want to hurt his feelings *this* badly.

Hastily Sam whispered, "Nothing! Just stay out of sight!" Donna, dress rumpled and hair askew, watched as he hurriedly shrugged out of his pants and roughly tousled his hair.

Then, he crossed, with great dignity, to the door.

Josh was about to knock again when the door opened a fraction. "Josh, what do you want?" A slightly annoyed Sam, arrayed in his rumpled dress shirt and boxers, stared at him from the doorway.

Josh grinned apologetically. "Keeping you from something, Sam?"

"Someone, actually." Sam prayed he didn't turn bright red � Josh wouldn't ever know how true that really was.

Josh elbowed him in the ribs. "You dog."

"Yeah, well." Sam shrugged. "She's not a call girl, she's not a Republican, and she's waiting for me. Mind if I go?"

"Yeah, yeah. Sure." Josh shrugged. "I just wondered if you'd seen Donna. She's not home, and I need to talk to her."

Belatedly Sam remembered what Josh had done. Icily he said, "Why should I do you any favors? Donna's a big girl, she can take care of herself."

Josh narrowed his eyes and was about to yell when he remembered that night's prank. The dinner � Sam � Ainsley � His friend must have seen him with Ainsley. It'd be the only reason he'd be this angry. And instead of being happy his prank had worked, he now felt guilt. Damn, he was a pushover. "Sam, I'm sorry."

"You damn well should be." Even as he acted the part of the outraged love interest, Sam somehow didn't feel it.

"That's not what I mean." Josh sighed. "It was a prank to make a point, but it probably went too far."

"What do you mean?" Sam was getting an ugly feeling about something.

Josh sighed again. In his boyish way he said, "I asked Ainsley to go with me to make you jealous." He paused. "I don't *really* like her, you know? I wanted to get you back."

Sam's heart was in his throat. He might have a chance with Ainsley again and Donna might have a chance with Josh � but why didn't that seem so important to him anymore?

Thickly he said, "Well, I guess I forgive you. But talk to Donna!"

A stifled gasp came from the corner of the room as Sam realized what he'd said. Josh, though, was a bit confused. "Why would Donna care if I was going out with Ainsley? Did she even see us together?"

Sam tried to hedge his bets. "She did see you, yeah, and... I don't know. She was kind of freaked out. I mean... she thought you were going all conservative and stuff." That sounded plausible.

Josh relaxed as well. "I guess you're right. But will you have her call me if you hear from her?"

"Sure, Josh." Sam nodded. "Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Sure." Josh nodded, the shit-eating grin returning to his face. "Have fun."

"I will." Sam watched Josh walk away and down the stairs, then bolted back into the apartment.

Donna was pacing like a caged tiger. "Jesus tap-dancing Christ," she said edgily.

"That kind of says it all," Sam said glumly. Now that Josh had ruined the mood, he flopped down on his couch.

"He did it to get you back." Donna sighed. "I don't believe it."

"Yeah." Sam tried to laugh it off but failed miserably. "And we almost ..."

"Yeah." Donna smiled nervously. "We almost..."

If they couldn't discuss it, there was no point. Donna stood up. "I should call Josh's place so he doesn't worry."

"Good idea." Sam responded dully.

He watched as she dialed the phone and waited for him to come on the line. "Josh, this is Donna." Her voice was icy, and he marveled at her self-control. "I called Sam and he told me to call you, so I'm calling you. I just got home. I am going to sleep, and when you get this message... well, you'll have gotten it. Don't call me, I'm going to sleep and I will either sleep through or ignore the telephone ringing. See you at work tomorrow."

She hung up, and instantly her self-control broke along with the telephone line. He was not her best friend; he was not a lover. He was alien now. "Good night, Sam," she said wanly, with a nervous smile. Outwardly she was jittery, but inside she was furious. *Fool! Fool! Fool!* she thought. Why risk what they had for something more?

"Good night, Donna." He didn't go near her. They'd sort all this out in the morning, he told himself as he got blankets out of his closet. They'd sit down and talk before going to work and decide what had happened that night. But, he admitted to himself as he bunked down on the couch, it hadn't felt like a fluke to him.


	6. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 6

 

Disclaimers, etc: see part 1   
\---------

Donna was very nervous walking into work the next morning. The familiar faces all of a sudden seemed removed. It was as though she'd morphed into a Martian; she was like them and yet not.

And dear God, how would she ever face Sam or Josh? She'd crept out of the apartment before dawn, so as not to wake him or alert reporters that something had gone on. She knew as well as anyone that they watched the White House employees.

But she also hadn't wanted to confront Sam with what she now knew. The reality was too new.

She managed a quiet "Good morning," as Bonnie smiled at her. She nodded to Ginger and sat down at her desk. Even without coffee, her brain was churning.

Sam had been at the office for some time when he saw her walk in. It broke his heart.

She looked nothing like herself. Donna's head was almost bowed, and she murmured greetings instead of her usual lively entrance. Not for the first time, he wondered if she felt taken advantage of.

He couldn't face her. Not today.

Settling down in his desk chair, Sam prepared to lose himself in work. However, Cathy soon banged on his door. "Sam, you got a minute?"

"That didn't last long." Sam inwardly sighed. "Who for?"

"Josh."

Sam caught his eyes as they were about to bug out of his head. "Uh... sure. I guess." What else could he say?

Josh walked in a moment later looking, for him, downtrodden. "Sam, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Sam said hastily. Perhaps too hastily? A bit more composed, he said, "Not a lot, Josh. What can I help you with?"

Josh raised an eyebrow. "Uh... nothing, really. I just wanted to apologize again about last night."

"I guess it's all right," Sam said. And it really was all right. At least for the time being.

"Also, Donna called last night, not too long after I stopped by your place, actually." Josh looked down, hands in pockets. "She sounded tired. And mad."

"Well, you scared her," Sam pointed out.

"I s'pose." Josh paused. "But... I don't know. Where could she have been last night?"

"How the hell should I know?" Sam asked rhetorically, hoping he wasn't turning pink. "She was probably with friends."

"Maybe. What happened, exactly, at the , unsure of what else to say. Finally he settled on a completely different subject. "Sam, I gotta ask... is that the suit you wore yesterday?"

Sam looked down in panic, then relaxed. Josh knew he'd had a woman in his apartment � he just didn't know which woman. And the suit was like enough that a question was perfectly plausible. "No, Josh," he said after conscious deliberation, "it isn't."

"Ah." Josh grinned and elbowed Sam a bit. "Just thought maybe you didn't take time to change your clothes this morning."

Sam smiled back, if a bit wanly. "That's the way it goes."

"So, tell me," Josh said, lascivious eyes grinning. "Who is she?"

Sam simply shook his head. No.

"Come on!"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because." Sam kept his face completely noncommittal.

Josh sighed. "You're no fun."

"Well, be that as it may, Josh." Sam stood. "Sorry you have to go, but I've got a meeting in ten minutes."

"Yeah, me too." Josh checked his watch. "I have to go over the new bills with the Planned Parenthood commission."

Sam could feel the blood rushing from his face. Jesus Christ... what was going on here? Was this God's idea of an elbow in the ribs?

The two men diverged courses, with Josh heading back to his office.

On the way, Josh wondered for the umpteenth time what was going on. Sam had seemed jumpy, and he was usually willing to share at least a few details of his sexual escapades. Go figure.

Arriving in his bullpen, Josh looked around for his assistant. They needed to talk.

He found her perched at her desk, head in hand, staring into space. Josh cleared his throat. "Donna." No effect was palpable; the woman continued to sit motionless. "Donna?" Finally he had to go for the direct approach. "Donna!"

"Aaah!" She screamed, jumping visibly. "Josh, you scared me!"

"I needed to talk to you." He felt ridiculously defensive. "I said your name three or four times."

"Well." Donna calmed herself. "That's your problem right there, Josh. Usually you don't just say my name. I'm so used to you screaming �" She broke off with a start. "I mean � yelling my name... that I respond to that. If someone calls me politely I don't tend to respond."

She spoke too much and said too little. Josh studied her face for a split second before responding. Something was up. "Well, Donna, I need you to do something for me."

"Sure, Josh." Her tone was too breezy. "What can I do you for � I mean... do for you?"

Josh shook his head. "Um... could you please get me the file on Planned Parenthood? I have a meeting in five minutes."

Donna only heard his first request. The rest of the speech was processed in a vacuum. This was not happening. What *was* happening? She mumbled something and ran out of the room, leaving a perplexed and worried Josh staring after her.


	7. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 7

 

Disclaimers/etc: see part 1

\------------   
C.J. was on her way out the door when she heard a harried knock on her door. "Come in!" she called. Whoever it was didn't sound like they could wait.

However, she was a bit surprised when Donna rushed in and flung herself down on the couch. "C.J., I need to talk to you."

C.J. decided that what she had to do could wait. Donna didn't look good. "Sure." She sat down in the chair opposite the assistant. "Are you okay?"

Donna took a deep breath; she had to calm down. "I think so," she said. "But I'm not so sure you're going to be."

C.J.'s heart jumped. "Donna," she said heavily, "what did you do?"

"Nothing, I swear!" Donna sighed, face pale and drawn. "It just got a little crazy last night."

C.J. was experiencing what could charitably be called heart palpitations. "What got a little crazy?"

Donna covered her face with her hands. "At Sam's."

C.J. sat back in her chair in stunned silence. Donna and... *Sam*? This was simply not happening. But by the look of it, Donna wasn't aware it was happening, either.

C.J. sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose. "Donna... what happened last night?" Her heart twisted in her chest. This would be so difficult for all involved.

The other woman looked away. "Nothing," she repeated in a quieter tone. "He just... Josh is dating Ainsley, and that made Sam and me very upset."

"Josh is dating Ainsley." Had she stepped into some parallel universe unawares?

"Well, we thought at the time he was dating Ainsley," Donna clarified. "That made us angry and hurt."

"Because you love Josh, and Sam loves Ainsley."

"Right." Donna colored. "Well... we got drunk, and he wanted to take me back to his place so I'd be safer. He slept on the couch," she added quickly. 

"Thank God for small favors," C.J. mumbled.

Donna continued. "Anyway. We were about to go to sleep, when... he just kissed me. But the scary part, C.J., is that I kissed him back." She sighed. "And things were... getting interesting..." Donna blushed. "When Josh knocked on the door."

"Omigod!" C.J. was horrified.

"Josh didn't see me," Donna assured her. "Sam told me to stay out of sight and got rid of him quickly. Something about pants and a Republican." She paused and in that one moment her composure collapsed. "God, C.J., I sound like a hardened criminal or something. And this morning, Josh called me and I was all nervous and I said something about screaming my name..." She stopped, blinking back the tears that threatened her equilibrium.

Trying to find a place to start, C.J. hemmed and hawed. "Donna... so are you saying you've got a crush on Sam but you guys don't want to hurt Josh's feelings?"

Donna looked at the other woman. Hesitantly she spoke. "I guess that's right."

C.J. sighed. "Donna. You can't just say, 'okay, I love someone.' How do you feel about Sam?"

"Well, does it matter?" Donna shrugged. "How do I know how he feels about me?"

C.J. looked at her witheringly. "You ask him."

"Are you nuts?"

C.J. tried another tack. "Do you *want* to jump three feet in the air every time you see Josh?"

Donna bit her lip. "No."

"So you talk to Sam, and then you go from there."

For C.J. it was all a practical matter, of course, Donna reflected bitterly. She hadn't been there last night when Josh was at the door.

But it wouldn't do any harm to talk to Sam. Even if nothing happened between them, Donna told herself, they still needed to talk. If nothing else, Josh deserved to know why she'd been so crazy this morning.

So she spoke. "I guess I could go talk to Sam."

"Good." C.J. rose. "Do that." Just for a moment, though, her professional reserve melted. "Donna, seriously. Just... I hope this works out."

Donna smiled and rose as well. "Thanks." The younger woman made to walk out of the office. "I hope it works out, too." She opened the door and walked down to the communications bullpen.

C.J. was about to leave when another knock came on her door, this time a slightly less frenzied one. "Come in."

She was not at all surprised when a hesitant Sam entered the room. "C.J., do you have a minute?"

"Sure." C.J. perched on the edge of her desk, having a good idea what he was about to say."

Sam took a dep breath, then blurted it all out. "Last night after you saw Donna and me at the party we saw Josh kissing Ainsley. It turned out to be some sort of prank, but we didn't know that. We got pretty drunk, and we went to my place, cause we were drunk and I didn't want her going home alone. But when we were getting ready for bed � me on the couch, her in my bed � I just, sort of, well, I kissed her." He paused. "And we almost..."

C.J. could guess the rest of the story. "I get it." This would really not be good. "And?"

"And, Donna's avoiding me. And I think I have to tell Josh but I don't want him to kill me."

"Makes sense." C.J. debated how to answer, and finally was honest. "Sam, you have to talk to her. And to him."

"Yeah, I know." Sam sighed. "I s'pose I just had to hear you say it."

"Yeah." C.J. smiled faintly. "You haven't done anything that I'd kill you for, either. Don't worry."

"Okay." Sam stood and made to leave. "So, I have to write a speech today. I have to go tell Donna that I like her but I didn't want to take advantage of her, and I have to go tell my best friend that I'm stealing his girl that really isn't his girl."

"Right." When Sam got in a mood like this it was difficult to understand him, but C.J.'d had years of practice. "Just go."

"Okay."

As Sam went to open the door, however, it was wrenched open by someone on the other side. As the oak slab was swung away, Sam came face to face with his best friend. A best friend who looked hurt, crushed and angry.

"Josh." Sam's tone had gone hoarse, and he had paled just a bit.

"Sam." Josh tried hard to keep his tone calm.

C.J. sensed she was not needed. "Guys, I got a briefing. Please don't kill each other."

"It's okay, C.J." Josh called after her, turning his gaze back onto Sam. "Honestly," he said to the other man, "I'm not pissed that you almost slept with Donna."

Sam was wary. "You're not?"

"No." A bit of the hidden vitriol in Josh's tone came out. "I'm pissed 'cause you didn't tell me straight away. This morning. All that jumping around. You scared me!"

"I'm sorry."

"No. You scared me. I thought something horrible had happened." Josh was shaking with anger now. "I was working up the nerve to ask Donna what had happened when I had to talk to C.J. I heard everything."

Sam couldn't look Josh in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well." Sam had to strain to hear Josh speak. "I can't be pissed at you for almost sleeping with Donna 'cause it was my prank that drove you to it."

Sam did not speak.

Josh faced Sam with pain brimming in his eyes. "I do have a question, though."

"What?"

"Do you love her?"

He had to be honest. "I don't know."

The reply was swift and decisive. "Well, if you don't, let her be with someone who does." With that Josh walked slowly away.


	8. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 8

 

Disclaimers/etc: see part 1   
\-----------   
(cue Donna's voice) Previously, in "What Kind of Fool Am I?"...

C.J. talks with both Sam and Donna to decide what they're going to do. They both admit that That Night didn't feel like a fluke. Sam is fully ready to go talk to Josh - when he opens the door and guess who's heard everything?.....

\-----------   
Josh wandered idly, pain wrought full upon his face. What the hell was happening? His best friend and his assistant... no, this wasn't the Twilight Zone. Josh pinched himself just to be sure. Ow.

He wandered aimlessly, not wanting to go back to his office. Everything was different. It was like waking up in a new world, and he was still a bit blind.

How, how could they have done this to him? he wondered. They knew he would feel betrayed, and Sam knew damn well how he felt about Donna. But �

Josh stopped himself as he realized where he was. Subconsciously, he'd wandered down to the basement. And he now stood right in front of the Steam Pipe Trunk Distribution Venue. Without thinking he pushed open the door.

Ainsley jumped when she saw him walk in. "Omigod, Josh!" A hand flew to her chest. "You scared me."

"Sorry."

Once recovered, Ainsley seemed more herself. Josh was struck anew by how much she looked like Donna. "Something I can help you with, Josh?"

"Yeah, actually." Josh hesitated for a moment, then, to his surprise, told Ainsley the entire tale.

Ainsley didn't look surprised when Josh finished. "I can't say that's a shock," she said grimly. "I knew he wasn't interested in me anymore after this morning. We had a meeting and he didn't even look my way."

"Really?" Josh felt doubly stupid. "I didn't guess."

Ainsley shrugged. "What can you do?"

"Not a lot, I s'pose." Josh's tone was nonchalant, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to tell that he was bleeding.

Ainsley spoke gently. "Josh, things happen."

That got him. "What exactly does that mean; can you tell me?" Josh sighed. "Things happen. No shit, Sherlock. But why do things happen and why is my best friend falling for my assistant?"

There was only response for Ainsley. "Josh," she said quietly, "why do you care at all?"

He had been about to expound further, but the soft question stopped him cold. "Why do I care who Donna dates?" Josh echoed. "Because she's my assistant." It sounded weak, but it was the best he had. "If she's unhappy, she won't work well, and then my days will be chaos."

"But Sam isn't like the so-aptly-named "gomers" that Donna dates."

"You know what, Ainsley? In my opinion, a gomer is anyone she dates who isn't �"

Josh stopped dead just as the look on Ainsley's face gave him away. "Josh," her eyes said, "talk to her." She knew damn well what he'd been about to say: *A gomer is anyone she dates who isn't me.*

Slowly he shook his head. Yes. I'll talk to her.

"Good." And with that Ainsley turned back to her work, leaving Josh a bit stunned.

"Ainsley," he said, "aren't you going to go after Sam? I mean, aren't you going to talk to him?"

She pushed her glasses on top of her head. "Josh, you know what?" She shrugged. "I'm a pragmatist. If it's happening this way, it's happening this way for a reason. There are other men."

Josh was a bit put off. "Ainsley... forgive me... but that sounds... well, cold."

"I know." The look she gave him triggered something in the depths of his mind. Smiling sadly, Ainsley told him, "Call it a coping mechanism." She paused. "I liked him a lot, but I'm not about to get into a girl fight over Sam. Besides," she added, genuine smile creeping across her face, "it must be something subconscious, but Donna *does* look a lot like me."

Josh had to laugh. "It's subconscious." He looked at the Republican with a new measure of � oh, God, was that *respect?*

Ainsley saw it as well, and looked away. "Josh," she said, sensing the awkwardness between them, "will you go talk to your assistant?"

"Yeah, I will." As Josh headed for the door, though, he turned back, wearing a small smile. "You realize that I'm going to have to owe you here."

Ainsley's grin was eloquent. "Why else do you think I helped you?" She twirled a pencil idly between her fingers. "I was close to kicking you out of my office. Such as it is."

"Really." But all the mirth was gone from Josh's voice as he finished. "Thanks, Ainsley. Really."

She shrugged. "Nothing you all wouldn't do for me."

That sounded hollow to Josh's ears, and for the first time he felt a bit ashamed. *Wise up, Lyman,* he told himself, chagrined. *Republicans are people too. We gotta help her out a little more.*

"Hey, Josh," Ainsley said by way of a goodbye. "One more thing."

"Yeah."

"You really were a good date."

Josh, for the first time in a long time, didn't know what to say.

"Goodbye, Josh." Ainsley waved him out and turned back to her work. He left, lost in thought.

She's not so bad after all.

Now to talk to Donna.


	9. What Kind Of Fool Am I? 9

 

Disclaimers/etc: see pt 1

\-------------   
Donna was at her desk when Josh got back. "Donna, can you come in my office for a minute?" He tried to sound nonchalant, knowing that she didn't know what had happened between him and Sam.

"Sure, Josh." She seemed a bit edgy still, but she hid it well. She hit a few keys on her computer and walked into his office.

Josh shut the door. "Okay, let me just say this 'cause it's hard for me to say and if you interrupt I'm gonna lose my nerve."

Donna looked shocked, then blushed furiously. Josh could almost read her thoughts. He knows, he knows!

Josh shook his head. "Donna... I know that it was you last night at Sam's place."

All the color drained from her face and she stifled a gasp. "Josh, I don't �"

He cut her off. "It's okay. Really."

Donna felt a twinge of guilt, like she'd disobeyed her father. But she was glad to be forgiven; if nothing else she owed him an apology for misleading him.

Josh went on. "I wanted to say I was sorry for pranking you with Ainsley."

"That's all right," Donna said hastily, wanting to cover up how hurt she'd been. "I heard you when you apologized to Sam. And it wasn't that big of a deal for me. I just thought you'd lost your senses dating a Republican." Realizing she'd been rambling, she shut up.

Josh, fortunately, didn't notice. "I guess I just wanted to say I'm sorry for my part in this."

"Was that all, then?" Donna rose. He hadn't said one word about her and Sam, or Ainsley, or anything. He was treating this like a business matter. Damn the man.

"Wait."

Instinctively Donna halted and looked back.

Josh looked pale and tortured, and he ran a nervous hand across the back of his neck. "About Sam," he said, aggrieved. "I mean... if you want to... Sam's a great guy, but..."

Donna couldn't help looking perplexed, though a buried note of hope sounded in her heart. "Josh..." she said, echoing Ainsley, "why would you care?"

Staring at the window, Josh spoke the words that had played in his mind for quite some time. "I wouldn't stop for red lights, either, Donna."

Those quiet words threw Donna far more than anything straightforward could have done. "Josh," she said quietly, tremulously, "you are very important to me, too."

"I'm glad."

Donna smiled, then blurted, "And Sam is important to me too � I'd just like the chance to figure out *how* important he is."

Josh sighed. "I guess. And I realize you don't need my permission," he added.

"Thank you."

" 'Welcome." He paused. "It's just... anyone..." He stopped, but Donna saw with startling clarity what he was about to say. Anyone who isn't me, is probably not good enough for you.

She did not speak. It was enough to know that if on a rainy day she needed someone, he would be there. And after all the months of wanting it, it was so wonderful to have.

And yet last night, she had felt something in that little interlude with Sam that was just missing from her interactions with Josh. It was so obvious now that Josh loved her. Every little nuance showed her that she was important and needed. And yet Sam had all that and more: a fervor of a different sort than Josh's. And of course, the practical implications... boss and assistant would just never work. Sam didn't have those hurdles. And he was also a mystery in that respect. It intrigued her.

She really had to talk to him.

"I was an idiot not to guess," Josh said ruefully, turning her back to the present. "Last night when Sam told me to talk to you... I heard a gasp, and wondered about it. And this morning you were so jumpy..." He trailed off. "I mean, what kind of fool am I?"

Donna smiled sadly at him. "The same kind as me. A fool in love."

And with that she went to open the door, but she received a shock: Sam was standing in front of her.

Josh sensed a denouement. "I'm getting out of here." His smile was tragic as he tried to manufacture excuses. "Got a meeting. I think it's on the budget surplus. You know how it goes."

Even though convinced of what she was about to do, Donna's heart broke as she saw him walk away. Right or wrong, good or bad, she knew things between them would never quite be the same.

Sam hedged a bit. "Donna..." Those startling blue eyes swung up to meet her. "Did you talk to Josh?"

Donna nodded. "I..." She broke off. "How much did you hear?"

"Oh," Sam said, eyes shining. "Enough."

"What � what do you mean?" Donna suddenly felt that feeling resurface; the one from the night before. He was unfamiliar again; she didn't have anything recognizable to take hold of. She felt adrift.

Sam suddenly moved just a step closer: not a threatening step, but just a step. "Donna, I heard what you said about fools."

"And?"

"I'd have to say that I've been one too. And I'm sorry." He stared at her and Donna felt a memorable shudder course down her back. She'd had them for so long, but only now did she know what it was.

Her tone was husky. "How were you a fool?"

He sighed. "Today... you looked frightened. I immediately thought I'd avoid talking to you, because I didn't know if you felt taken advantage of or what. I should have known better." Sam came fully into the room and closed the door. "You needed to talk. And I half thought you'd go to Josh. But I hoped you wouldn't."

"Sam..." A tiny, malingering doubt remains. "Sam, what if we ..."

"Break up?" Sam smiled. "Have a fight?"

"Yeah. I mean..." Donna froze on the unpleasant words. *I don't want to lose you.*

He knew. "Donna." Sam's tone dropped a notch. "All I know is that for some reason right now, my stomach just rebelled when you said those words."

She smiled at him; a tiny, soft smile. "Mine, too."

"Well, then." Sam's eyes were laughing but his tone was not. "Donna, what do you say?"

The question was unspoken, simply because it could be. They'd always been best friends, Donna mused. Maybe this was just the next step up.

And *damn,* he was an attractive man.

"All right," she said, coming closer to him. "Let's give it a try."

The relief was utterly palpable. Sam immediately cracked a smile, and Donna had to bite back real tears of joy.

Just as quickly as it had happened, the moment was over. But it would remain with them for a while.

"I have to get back to work," Donna said, scooping up a few files.

"Yeah, me too." Sam stood and straightened his tie. "Meeting with the EPA people, then working on the Boston speech."

"Good luck." Her smile was special as he moved to walk out.

"Thanks." As Sam left, he tossed off a statement. "Hey, Donna? I like what you said earlier."

"About what?"

He gently took her hand. "About fools in love."

Donna, for some reason, could find no words. Finally she said, "I guess that's what we are."

"I guess so."

They both left the room.


End file.
